The Night Before

I’m so spacey today.

I REALLY didn’t sleep last night. Well I did, but only for an hour or so when I woke up famished despite having had an enormous dinner just before bed and a number of snacks as I was even starving after that!

The waking up at night is not unusual. I’ve been doing that everyday for the last month or so. The wake-me-up hunger and shakes is nothing new either, it happens from time to time.

On my way back to recovery and getting back to me again, the digestive cramps and problems I’d always been having remained and in fact seemed to worsen. Alongside this I appear to have developed a persistent and itchy red rash and because of all this I’ve opted to give up gluten. The next step will be to get tested for Coeliac disease (or make that Celiac, depending on where you’re from). I know I’ll have to consume it again prior to the test but for the last few days (other than when I have too much milk) I’ve been starting to feel better.

Last night I was just so hungry that I had to go eat. It was the type of hunger that’s so intense that it makes you feel sick. I didn’t want to wake Tom up but he was already stirring from my rolling around in discomfort (he’s SUCH a light sleeper!) and I just had to go and get some food. You know when you feel that if you don’t eat something you’re going to pass out? But I doubt that’s even possible when you’re lying down! Ok, amateur dramatics over. The point is that Tom had nothing in his flat that was gluten free. It’s really not his fault, I only decided to cut it out 3 days ago. Cereal it was then.

It’s a strange feeling knowing that you’re potentially glutening yourself. I’ve not been tested so I can’t be sure it’s not psychological but sure enough a few hours later I had a few little cramps and twinges.

It made me think about a diagnosis. I was tested once before for this and it came back negative but that was almost a year ago and from what I remember I was on some faddy diet so perhaps that made a difference? Regardless, the symptoms are far more intense now. It worries me though that it could come back negative again and, where I’ve virtually convinced myself that Coeliac is the only explanation, I could ironically be very disappointed. The fear of this almost takes it to the point that I don’t want to test in the first place. But I know that I have to find out.

It’s surreal writing about myself on here in such a public forum. I’m very conscious of putting nothing but negative, “moany” posts out there into the domain but on the other hand that’s another key part of why I started this. Of course I want to put information out there that could help others but I also need to use it as an outlet or a diary for my overactive mind. Already I feel better after just a few postings. It’s lovely to be able to express myself. When I was lying there awake last night, I had post ideas and projects flying round and round my head. It was exciting and inspiring and it made me feel at ease. Actually, aside from wanting to be fed it’s little wonder I couldn’t sleep last night!

What are your tips for getting a good night’s sleep?

Amy xx




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