Eurgh

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I’ve not posted a view for a while (shame I’m in there spoiling it!)

Today was pretty hellish.

At this point I find myself wondering whether I should go on writing. Whether it’s a good idea to be opening up and sharing myself with the big wide world. I mean, there’s thoughts on here that I wouldn’t share with my nearest and dearest but somehow I find writing in this context cathartic.

I’ve been a fogged out zombie all day, functioning like a normal human being has been out of the question. For the third night in a row I haven’t slept. My stomach simply will not settle. Whether it’s still a run off from the gluten ladened weekend I had I don’t know but it’s impossible to sleep cramp free. So I’m incredibly tired from that but I’m also spaced out presumably from inflammation or something.

I hate feeling like this. It’s like the worst version of myself. We were doing some really in depth data analysis at work today and I couldn’t understand any of it. Not surprising really as, when I’m feeling like this I struggle to understand even the most basic of things, intrinsic things like an awareness of how to interact with others. Stuff that on a normal day, I wouldn’t think twice about – when to jump in on a conversation for instance (I spent the whole day speaking over people as couldn’t judge the gaps in their conversations, all talk sounded like muffled noise. People must have thought me so rude). Or like my inability to recognise whether people were laughing at something I’m familiar with or not – I’m new at work so often people are talking about past events but where my concentration is so off I’d snap into the topic half way through and laugh heartily along with them just in case I ought to be which I’m sure would have looked super needy on my part if it was an “in joke.”

These are just small things, I get it. But it’s mad what a bit of sleep deprivation can do and so it all seems like a big deal today.

Is this a gluten-type dietary issue or am I still suffering effects from the IUD? I’d really like to know.

Oh well, back to nursing my stomach ache. To make matters worse, I’ve just been invited to after work drinks which I just don’t feel up to so have had to say no and now I feel so guilty and lame!

Health and happiness to you all.

I hope your Tuesdays have been far more constructive?

Amy xx

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